Sunday, July 3, 2011

Animal Adventures

This post has nothing to do about writing.  I'm taking a break from my seventeen-day writing spree because my brain hurts and because I have absolutely nothing to write about.  This post is about my adventure last night with my neighbor's cat.

Let me say now that I'm a dog person.  I grew up with dogs, I live with dogs, I love dogs.  But I have a thing for cats.  I don't know if it's because I never had a cat growing up or if it's because I spend all my free time looking up cute cat videos online and somehow, that translated into cats are amazing creatures and it would be really fun to have one.  So when my neighbor's cat last night invaded my personal space, I thought it was cute.

That cat is really nice.  When I saw it walking outside, I mewed at it because I'm a strange human being and I think I can communicate with animals.  I'm also one of those horribly impulsive people when it comes to animals.  I revert to a five year old mindset and think that because I love animals, animals will love me.  This has only been reinforced by the fact that the dogs tend to think I'm some sort of petting machine and will tend to sit on me when I'm around because they think they own me.  It's cute until a Siberian Husky does it to you.  Then it's painful.

So when I mewed at the cat and the cat mewed back and came over, I was inexplicably giddy.  Like I said, it's a really nice cat.  It came over and rubbed around my legs and wanted me to pet it, and I did, and then I played with it because cats are amazing and think grass is some sort of new prey, and it was a really cute cat.  And I felt bad because I know my neighbors are asleep and aren't going to let the cat in any time soon.  So I stayed out with it and kept it company.

This might have been a mistake.

When I got up to go back inside and possibly go to bed, it nipped at my calf.  I was wearing shorts.  The nip didn't hurt badly, so I assumed it just wanted me to come back and play with it.  I sat down on the landing and it came up and demanded more pets, kind of like how my dog is doing right now only the cat was a lot more graceful and elegant about it and less snaggle-toothed and bug-eyed.

Then it decided it wanted to come inside.

Let me clarify a few things.  I have four dogs.  I cannot have a cat inside the house with four dogs, even if said dogs are in the crate.  The dogs will freak out and wake up the entire household.  I am also deathly allergic to cats.  That is not an exaggeration.  I break out in hives when I so much as touch a cat, never mind have one all over me like this one.  I was already getting itchy with just the ten minutes of petting it.  I love cats, but I can't have one inside the house.

I tried explaining this to the cat, but the cat was having none of it.  The cat wanted in.  It kept staring at the nice warm living room.  It would look at me.  Then it would mew.  Then it would purr and rub up against me.  Then it would look in again.  Repeat.

I would have taken in the cat, hives or not.  But it belongs to the neighbors and I'm not sure how they would take me hijacking their cat for a night.  So I stood up and started walking down the landing so I could get it to follow me to the neighbors' place.  I'd hoped that we could find a secret entrance for the cat so that I could get it in and feel like I'd done some good for the cat.  It had obviously gotten out somehow.

The cat had other plans.

I got down to the first landing, and all of a sudden, the cat was on my leg.  It did not want me on that landing.  It wanted me in the living room, with it on my lap, stroking it.

Now, I've been bit before.  But only by dogs.  You may not think it, but dogs have fairly blunt teeth when compared to a cat.  Cats have needle teeth.  Cats are like very delicate torturers.  They leave the axes and the swords for the silly, clumsy dogs to use.  Dog bites might hurt, but they stop after a few hours.  Cat bites sting and itch for the entire night and into the next day.

That cat got me good.  My leg and foot are covered in a fine map of scratches that itched and burned most of the night long.  Even after I washed them all out, making sure that the cat was safely locked outside of the door because that cat is not coming nowhere near me again, and put Neosporin and Band-aids on them all, they itched and burned like a rash from hell.  I don't know if that's what cat bites do in general or if it's because I'm deathly allergic to them and am going to die in a few hours.  But I'm pretty sure cats are venomous regardless.

What makes this all even worse is the fact that the cat watched me for another fifteen minutes.  I checked the windows.  It sat outside and waited for me to come back out and apologize for trying to walk down the landing. 

Well cat, this means war.

6 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm cracking up. I'm a dog person, too, but I just did a week's worth of cat-sitting for our neighbors' two cats. The cats are very nice, but they obviously want me dead. When I am on the stairs, they dart in and out between my feet, no doubt hoping I will fall and break my neck, like something out of a Hitchcock movie.

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  2. Cats are on a secret agenda to take over the world. They pretend to be nice so as to disarm us, and then they strike.

    A Hitchcock movie staring cats would be amazing and needs to happen right now. You can have the lead role where you battle for your life against stair-cats.

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  3. Yikes! The long-term itching and burning seems to be an allergy thing, because none of my non-allergic friends have that problem. One of my coworkers has what she calls a 'playful' cat. I think it's just evil. She comes in with new scratches every day, but they don't bother her at all.

    Give me a dog any day!

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  4. Cats pretend they are playful so as to confuse us away from their plans of world domination. Dogs at least just want to be loved, for the most part. Little dogs might have other plans.

    The itching finally stopped, but only to be replaced by horrible-looking bruises. I don't know what this cat did to me.

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  5. Having just become a cat person this year, I will agree that cats have their own agenda and it involves owning us and forcing us to tend to all their wants and needs on command. Yes, I get clawed and bit from time to time, but I don't have the allergic reactions you have. It's a good thing, I guess, since my husband might choose to keep the cat instead of me. :)

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  6. The cat is obviously usurping you. It needs to be shown who's boss.

    I'm just horrifically allergic to anything that has fur. I envy you. (;

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